There's a lot more to beating infertility than just getting pregnant. To me, small victories just bring me one step cloer to winning this battle. I think I overcame one of my biggest hurdles last week when I met the newest member of the clan, baby Jase. One of my closest friends Jen had her first baby last Thursday and boy is he perfect. We welcomed Jase David Keegan, 8lbs 1oz. into the world seven days late. Although I probably “know” like one million pregnant people, I’m not close with hardly any of them. This is the first time that I went to the hospital and held a brand new baby since we’ve been treating for infertility.
Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of kids in our lives. Most of our friends and family have kids. My best friend Jodie had her first baby when we were just 19 years old, followed by her second a year later and is expecting again. Most of the people in our social circle have young kids and babies; in fact, we are probably the minority without kids in our group of friends. But this was a new first for me as an infertile.
I honestly had no clue how I would feel about meeting a new baby. I knew that I was so excited to meet him and see my best friend with her first child, but I didn’t know how I would feel inside, would I be jealous or upset? I really didn’t think so, but you really never know until you experience it how you will truly feel.
Luckily I feel like the farther I get on this path, the more welcoming I am of things like this. I have a better understanding of my journey and am more secure with what is to come in our future. I think a year ago things were so up in the air, there were so many uncertainties, I had so many insecurities and unanswered questions that I struggled with things like this. I didn’t know how to handle it; people didn’t know much about what we were going through so they didn’t understand. I feel like I have evolved over the 8 months that we’ve truly been treating for infertility. Prior to being referred to Dr. G and being “diagnosed” we just assumed that we were having infertility issues since we couldn’t get pregnant. We really had no idea. There were a lot of tears and fights that I wasn’t sure were justified or not. It was a scary time. I wasn’t sure how to have a conversation with my own husband about the situation, we were on two different pages about things, and there was a lot of internal struggle for a long time for me. It’s amazing how far we have come.
Of course the minute I laid eyes on baby Jase I was just in love with him. He is so precious and perfect. I held him for a long while and he was so calm, he didn’t make a peep, just a whole bunch of funny faces. I can say, with true sincerity and honesty that I am beyond happy for my best friend and her husband. I get excited to visit with them, I was so happy to make them a home-cooked meal and deliver it yesterday. I’m happy that I am able to do the things that a best friend should do without letting my infertility get in the way. I can’t wait to see this little guy grow up. I’m excited that we have a new member of the tribe, and hopefully our babies can all grow up together and become as good of friends as we have become. There are so many downsides to infertility that being able to say that you’ve overcome even just a small part of it feels amazing.
Welcome to the world Jase!