First off, Happy Mother's Day to my mom, step mom, & mother in law & all the other mothers and future mother's out there. You all rock!
This day can be a challenge for an infertile woman. I think many infertile women would say that they, of course, acknowledge Mother’s Day out of respect for their own & all of the other mother’s they have in their lives, but for some it can be a very painful day.
For me, personally, it doesn’t bother me all that much; at least I don’t think it does. Although I’ve suspected for the last two Mother’s Days that I might have a hard time becoming a mother, this one will probably be the toughest because that suspicion has recently been confirmed. I’m excited for Mother’s Day. I got some great gifts for the moms in my life & I’m excited to celebrate what wonderful women they are. I’m excited for my best friend to celebrate her very first Mother’s Day, and all the other mother’s that I know and respect. They really do deserve more than just ONE DAY for the hard work that many mothers endure every day in raising their children.
I have a feeling that it won’t turn out to be too bad of a day, but when I think about everything that has happened since October & the procedures that we’ve done and the hell we’ve gone through I’m reminded of that miscarriage that we had & what if it would’ve been a viable pregnancy, I would be around 5 months pregnant right now and expecting a baby later this summer. And then I look back at the sentence that I just typed and I realized it has the two words “what if” in it. How many times in life are we told not to worry about the “what if’s”? And like so many other aspects of this journey, that is easier said than done. I constantly think about what life would be like if we would’ve gotten pregnant right after we got married in 2011. How different would our lives be right now? Hell, we may even have had a second one on the way at this point.
But then, at the same time I am reminded of all of the things we would’ve missed. Would we have taken that cruise to Bermuda last year? Doubt it. Would we have rode 900 miles on the bike in one weekend up to a wedding in Minnesota? No way, we would’ve been stuffed in the car for 6 hours with a baby on board. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t have loved it to be that way, I’m just saying that I accept the fact that we are where we are and I’m thankful for the things we’ve been able to do on a whim because we haven’t had our miracle yet. And when we do I know we will both be more than happy to load up in the car rather than enjoy the freedom of the bike or plan a trip to Disney rather than one where we can lay on the beach drinking all day. We will welcome those opportunities with open arms and I truly look forward to that day.
On this day, Mother’s Day, don’t feel sorry for me that I have not yet become a mother, be excited for me that I one day will become a mother.