I'm so thankful to the TTC community & all the love and support that I have from friends and family. I truly have one of the best support systems I have ever seen and could ever ask for. Continued thoughts, prayers, and support are greatly appreciated. Hearing success and failure stories are also relieving to some extent. There are so many beautiful women out there who have been through much more hell than I have who are so much stronger, & their words of encouragement are really making me feel a lot better about our results.
I'm known and often complimented on my positive spirit towards this whole situation, but with a broken heart, a pounding headache, and swollen, bloodshot eyes, today I am deciding to not be my positive self. I'm going to grieve this loss, for a 2nd time now, and wallow in my sorrows for one day. I'm going to eat an entire box of Velveeta macaroni shells, drink a fully caffeinated cherry Dr. Pepper, & have several glasses of wine with dinner. Then, tomorrow morning, I'm going to get up and start a new day, I'll put on a brave face and begin to move forward with our next plan of attack.
I was instructed to stop all meds, (hooray, no more PIO shots!) so I ripped off my Vivelle patches, and am looking forward to no shots in the butt for a while. As soon as I have a period I am supposed to call back to the doctors office, if I have it soon enough I will be able to do a FET in August. I will start 3000mg of Vitamin C for 3 days tomorrow to help kick start AF. I am trying to remember that I still have 6 embryos on ice, one of them is bound to work, right?
As always, I know this is not the end of the world. I know that this wasn't part of the plan, and that there is still hope. It's never easy getting those negative test results. We are nearing 3 years of TTC and I've only seen 1 positive HPT in those entire 3 years. Although I am broken and sad, I am so thankful to everyone who has called, texted, messaged, commented, etc. checking in on me to see how I am doing. If it wasn't for my amazing husband, family, friends, and support system, I don't think I'd be able to move forward as quickly. It's so hard to say this right now, but we will not give up, and I know one day we will get our BFP.