Today I am 6 days post 5 day transfer & I’m feeling pretty good. Trying to stay positive every day, but I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions since the transfer, ups and downs, highs and lows all week. In the 2 days immediately following the transfer I felt very calm and at ease. I watched a ton of silly movies from Captain Ron, Sherlock Holmes, Son in Law, The Other Guys, etc. which helped take my mind off things and keep me smiling and keep my spirits up.
Symptoms have been really minimal. Practically nothing except for a few twinges of cramping, maybe like once a day since 4dp5dt. At first I was worried because in the morning of 4dp5dt I had felt nothing, not one iota of a symptom and I got worried. My TTC sisters reminded me (via Instagram) that I shouldn’t worry, and that every pregnancy and every woman is different, and that many of them didn’t feel any symptoms when they got their BFP. I am really hoping that the lack of symptoms is a good sign. Last time I had very significant cramping from about 3dp5dt until the day I found out that it was BFN. The cramping was intense and it was on and off all day long.
Yesterday on our way to Naperville to pick out our granite I had a pretty intense cramp and I immediately slumped down in the car and sighed and started to worry, it’s sooo unbelievably hard not to symptom spot, and I say that I don’t take the symptoms to heart, but I do. I had myself convinced that the cramps were going to get worse as the night progressed and I literally kept myself up half the night worrying about it. I never fell into a really deep sleep because I just knew those cramps were going to come, but guess what? They didn’t! Since then I have had really nothing again. I hate obsessing over this, but I just cannot help myself!
It’s so hard to convince yourself that you could actually be pregnant when all you’ve had is let down after let down for such a long time. I know that this could be it, but I am also reminding myself that it might not be and we might have to continue this journey if we want our miracle. I know that I’m only on my 2nd IVF cycle and there are women out there who have been through 3 and 4 or more cycles before they got their BFP, they are the ones who really inspire me to keep it up until it happens because eventually, it will. I keep trying to make decisions about what we should do next, making a plan, before a plan is even needed. That’s just me though.
I am highly considering doing a HPT this time around too, probably this weekend, before my beta so that I can better prepare myself when I get the phone call saying YAY or NAY. I’ve never POAS before a beta, I’ve always just waited it out, but I think this time I might just give in and give it a try. Just thinking about it makes me a nervous wreck, seriously like had to stop mid thought and bite the skin off my nail (my nervous habit) before I could continue writing it down.
All of these thoughts and emotions are completely normal from what I can tell and if they aren’t, well then I don’t really care, it’s how I’m feeling and it’s how I’m handling the situation, emotions are practically impossible to control. This week is basically flying by and I know it’s only a few more days before our first beta. There is nothing more I can do besides have faith that it worked and continue to pray that we will get the outcome that we are so desperately awaiting.