I hope everyone is doing well and is ready for Christmas! I can’t believe how fast it has come. I am ready and excited to celebrate, but I’m also a little disappointed as we end another year and kick of a new year without our miracle. After this last failed IVF cycle in November we decided that we would try naturally again. We have never really been given a diagnosis other than some extremely mild endometriosis as the cause of our infertility. Since that was removed over a year ago and a fluid ultrasound in July indicated it had not yet grown back, there is really no medical reason as to why we can’t conceive naturally as far as we know. I have extremely regular cycles, I ovulate on my own, my egg quality is good, Joe’s sperm quality is good, we don’t have any genetic issues, so by the looks of things, we should be able to conceive a child without medical intervention.
Today happened to be cycle day 30, for someone who typically has 27-28 day cycles, I got my hopes up thinking, WHAT IF, I was actually pregnant? What if all those IVF meds over the last year kick started my body? I took a test at lunch and unfortunately, it was negative. OPK’s were positive, we BD’d on the days that we should, but once again, another disappointment. How wonderful would it have been to be able to get a positive HPT on Christmas Eve Eve? I knew it was too good to be true, but there was a glimmer of hope for a brief couple of days.
Now I am having bloodwork done to determine if I actually did ovulate or not and will have to be put on progesterone for 10 days then wait for my period to come unless it comes within the next couple of days. This is even more frustrating since we would like to continue to try naturally next month before we get our second opinion. I’m not sure that we will get the chance to try a second time before that appointment. I am glad that we are nearing 2015 and our appointment with a possible new doctor. I’m just disappointed that we are now going on 4 Christmases hoping for a miracle instead of having one.
Now I am more bound and determined than ever to find an answer as to why. Most of you have been following along for a while and have seen my mention of Natural Killer Cells possibly being the culprit. That is definitely at the top of my list of questions for my next doctor and I will not take no for an answer on that. I will be tested whether it is by him or if we decide to continue with our current doctor. My fellow TTC sister JoJo sent me a book that is all about reproductive immunology and it’s definitely something that we need to consider as the cause of our infertility.
Although I’m not as bummed about this BFN as I would be if it had been an IVF cycle, it is still hard and disappointing, especially during the holidays, this is the worst time of year, especially since we are coming up on a year since our miscarriage. We had our one and only successful IUI last year and got our first BFP on December 30th. Since then we have had no success, but it is that cycle, that positive, that keeps me going. I know that I can get pregnant because I was for a very brief moment, so I have a lot of faith that I will be again one day. I hope everyone has a fabulous Christmas. Enjoy your families and your time together. I know it will be a busy couple of days for us running and around and traveling out of state next weekend, but I will take the time to soak it all in as much as possible!