Wow, today is 30 days away from the start of my 4th and hopefully last, IVF cycle. In one month I will be back into what I now consider a normal routine, vaginal ultrasounds, blood draws, daily subcutaneous injections, daily intramuscular injections, lots of driving, and lots of hoping! As of right now I’m not spending too much time thinking about this cycle. I’m still taking my daily progestin, but the house is my focus right now and I definitely think that having such a big distraction is helping keep my head where it needs to be right now.
I still have those thoughts that creep into your mind in the middle of the night that scare you into thinking it may never happen, but I try to calmly remind myself of how different this doctor and this cycle is already and it brings me some relief. A friend of mine is pregnant for the second time via IVF with my new doctor so that really makes me feel hopeful. I try hard not to let myself talk myself into failure before the cycle even starts. Negative thoughts like that are so toxic to your well-being and your peace of mind. What I remind myself is that this is a brand new cycle, a brand new doctor, and a brand new protocol. Although I can consider myself an expert in some parts of it, there are some parts I am not familiar with.
I am trying very hard not to base this cycle on my past cycles. It reminds me of the quote “it’s not the future that you’re afraid of, it’s repeating the past that makes you anxious”, and of course this is probably pretty spot on for anyone who has had a failed cycle and is in the midst of trying again. You think of all the things that went wrong, all the symptoms you did or didn’t have, all the pain that it caused, the heartache it caused, and it really can put a damper on how you feel about future cycles. But this is the kind of thinking that needs to be changed, as hard as that is. This is where the positive outlook and attitude are vital.
I still can’t believe how quickly this cycle has come. It has been a long time since we’ve really done much treatment-wise. My last IVF was way back in November, after that one failed we decided to take a break, reevaluate the situation, get a second opinion, and now here we are almost 9 months have passed since we have done a cycle & I am definitely ready to grab the bull by the horns and take charge of this cycle. I WILL stay positive, I WILL stay optimistic, and I WILL be successful.