Can you believe I’m already 9pt?! It’s crazy how fast this time is going by. So many people are curious as to when my beta is (which I’m not sharing the exact date) and if I’m going to POAS and the answer to that is no. I have never been one to do that, I did one time after a frozen cycle and it was horrible because I did it on a Friday with my beta on a Monday. It totally ruined my weekend and I refuse to do that again. Joe doesn’t want me to and honestly, the thought of knowing just makes me so nervous.
Keeping the positivity up has been more and more challenging every day, the doubt continues to creep in a little more and the negative thoughts start overtaking the mind. No matter how much you try to convince yourself that this is going to be it, and that everything about this cycle was working in our favor, the doubt just continues to come. It’s impossible not to be jaded after multiple failed cycles. But instead of using this post to talk about how I’m feeling like failure, I’m going to use it to recap all the positives about this cycle:
A new doctor with a new perspective has been amazing. I like Dr. LdM so much and I was so happy that he took the time to diagnose the issue of what is causing us to not have a pregnancy. We came up with the answer of the missing Beta 3 Integrin protein which he treated me for using progestin for 7 weeks prior to cycling. He said that this missing protein could be the cause of why I miscarried after my IUI and why none of my other cycles have worked. I continue to remember that I did have a pregnancy once, very briefly, so it isn’t impossible for me. Although the highest my beta got was 50, I still remind myself that with that cycle Joe’s sperm and my egg made their own embryo and it implanted very briefly.
I got to use the Eeva testing which can increase success rates by 23%. I had two embryos successfully develop into 8-cells and they were put back on day 3, back to their natural incubator where they would hopefully continue to develop into blastocysts. The Eeva testing has 2 parameters that the embryos must fall into in order to be graded as high. I had one embryo fall into both parameters so it was graded high, and one embryo fall into one of the two parameters so it was graded low. The high graded embryo had 0% fragmentation, the low graded embryo had 10% fragmentation. I’ve read that embryos with up to 25% fragmentation have been known to implant. We ended up transferring both of these embryos giving us a higher chance of success.
During the transfer, Doc said that the embryos were placed exactly where he likes to see them. The transfer went smooth with no issues at all. He said (along w/ the embryologist) that the embryos looked exactly like they should at the time of the transfer. So far starting on day 3pt I started having some pretty intense cramping, it has subsided for the most part as of today, just a twinge here and there. I had very sore boobs which have also returned to normal for the most part. I’ve been increasingly moody these last few days. My face broke out over the weekend which never happens. This and the sore boobs I have never experienced before in any cycle. The cramping I have. Unfortunately, the progesterone oil shots that we have to do each day can mimic pregnancy/period symptoms so I try not to look too much into them.
We have so many things working in our favor this cycle. Everything was right where it needed to be in order for success, now it’s just up to my body to work its magic and for the embryos to stick. We are hoping for one (of course possibly two) healthy baby out of this cycle. I’m so thankful for everyone’s love and support as we move through this very tough journey. It has been a long road I’m feeling like we are finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We still have several days until we find out for sure and I’m hoping and praying that I will be able to finally share some amazing news with all of you.