You may (or may not) have been wondering what our beta results for IVFx6 were after it all crumbled to pieces before our eyes over the last couple weeks. My scheduled beta day was December 26th so I got up early and headed to the lab to get my blood drawn. I really had no clue what the outcome would be, but I knew that things weren't really in our or our embryos' favor so I assumed BFN and sulked around the house most of the morning waiting for the call.
Around 11 the nurse called to tell me that my HCG level was an 8. They wanted to see over 50, but she said I needed to continue taking my meds and go back Tuesday for a second beta. I was in fact, pregnant, but just barely as the lowest pregnancy level of HCG is 5. My progesterone level was also only a 26 which is low for a pregnancy. I was devastated, but I thought maybe since we transferred our embryos in their early stages, I thought they could just be lagging behind in implantation too. I tried to keep up the positive spirit and soak in the fact that I was pregnant, even if it was just a teensy bit.
It seemed like it would take forever until Tuesday until I went into work Monday and we were having such a bad ice storm I ended up being asked to stay at work. I work for a gas and electric power company and we had lots of outages and broken poles due to the heavy ice that was accumulating. I welcomed the extra $ on my paycheck, but overnight storms always make for a slow night. Once 6am rolled around and I had put in 24 hours of work, I went to the hospital for my 2nd beta before heading home to crash.
The office didn't call me until after 2 which was frustrating, but I was certain I knew what the answer was going to be. I had been having some light brown spotting on Monday which I almost always have with each period & was also the exact indicator with my last fresh cycle that it hadn't worked. I hadn't had really any cramping or any other indications of AF, but I was just convinced that it had gone negative and I was going to miscarry. The nurse said that my level was still an 8. It hadn't dropped, but it also hadn't doubled which is what they want to see to determine a viable pregnancy. I was instructed to, once again, continue my meds and go back for a 3rd beta on Thursday and if things don't begin to increase, we will stop meds and I will miscarry.
I can't believe that this is happening to us. What I foresaw as such a successful cycle quickly turned into an absolute nightmare & now I am stuck in beta hell waiting for another 2 days. I feel like we are just delaying the inevitable by continuing the meds, but we also have to keep hope that something could happen & things could change. I am eager to meet with Dr. Sherbahn to see what he has to say about all of this. I hadn't planned on doing another fresh cycle at all because I thought we would be successful with this one, but now I think I need to start thinking about it and possible other options such as egg donation or even embryo adoption as someone has offered me their last remaining embryo. Joe and I have never really discussed either option because we have always believed that we would be able to beat this with our own eggs and sperm, but I'm not sure that is the case anymore.
If I do end up miscarrying then we will take a break and I will let my body have a couple of natural cycles before we pursue anything else. We also still have 2 frosties in Peoria so that is always an option as well, but Joe really wants to take some time to focus on us and not have to be committed to anything like constant doctors appointments, and I agree.
When I think about what I did different this cycle compared to our first fresh cycle 17 months ago when we ended up with our 7 blasts, the only thing I can come up with are the supplements that I took religiously for 3+ months. I can't see how they would cause any harm, but I'm not sure I will continue to use those as that is the only thing that I changed and the outcome was just very disappointing. Once again, we won't know much about what's really going on until "cycle completion" when we can finally meet with our doctor.
I have to give a huge shout out to all of my TTC sisters who have been supporting and loving on us so much these last few days. I seriously have the best tribe and I cannot thank them all enough for everything that they provide for me on an emotional level. They're all truly amazing. I also need to thank my husband for his love, support, and continued positivity as we navigate this journey. He is my rock & my strength. And thank you to all of my readers who continue to stick around, even though I'm a terrible blogger these days.