Monday, March 30, 2015

Biopsy Results... Another Hurdle


I called to doctors office today to tell them that that I received the Lupron Depot and hoped that I would be scheduling my appointment to have that administered in the next couple weeks.  In the mean time I asked if my results were in and she said no, but then put me on hold to schedule the Lupron shot and then told me that my results had in fact come in and that they were "positive".  My initial thought was that "positive" meant that I tested "positive" for the Beta-3 Integrin a protein that is said to be one of the key proteins for adhesion of embryos, but her response was now we know what the problem is... 

So I continued to say, "so I don't have the protein" and she said "no, and the problem is, is that the protocol for this particular protein is a 3 month prep, meaning no IVF until July"... my heart immediately sank.  I would have to take an oral protocol for the next 3 months in order to introduce this missing protein into my system.  Needless to say, I ended the conversation with her a bit confused; why did she use the word "positive" and why have I had implantation before if I don't have the protein?   These are clearly 2 questions for my doctor and luckily I have an appointment this Wednesday at 9am to hopefully get some of these answers.  But thanks to Dr. Google, here is what I've found so far:

Failure to express this protein appropriately has been theorized to be a cause of unexplained implantation failure. Why some women do not produce beta-3 integrins is usually unknown. However, some proposed causes include presence of blocked fallopian tubes filled with inflammatory fluid, endometriosis, and poor progesterone production. {via}

As you can read, what this is basically saying is that lack of this protein can be the cause of unexplained implantation failure (could be why all 3 of my IVF cycles failed) and a proposed cause is enodmetriosis (what I have been diagnosed with, Stage II).  I don't have blocked tubes and I don't have poor progesterone production so I am assuming that my endo the probable cause to this deficiency.  From what I'm reading online, the 3 month prep will be Letrozole possibly followed by another biopsy.  This of course is another question for my doctor on Wednesday, but you bet your ass I'll be researching as much as possible the next couple days.

All I can seem to do is remind myself, once again, of my own advice... this process takes time.  I'm not sure why I'm having such a hard time grasping that.  Maybe it's because we've been on such a long break and I know I am so ready to move forward.  I am happy that we are ruling things out and doing more testing, but at the same time I have to wonder, why when I brought this up to my other doctor did he not seem concerned?  Why have I had implantation before?  Why can't I seem to catch a break when it comes to infertility treatment?  

I know that we are all more than familiar with the hurdles, the set backs, and the let downs that come with infertility treatment.  We are always waiting for something.  For a cyst to go away, for AF to show, for two weeks to pass, for a blood work to be done.  It's nothing but a waiting game and it really is exhausting.  I can tell myself, oh well, July will be better because I'll be pretty settled into the house and I can enjoy summer and we can take some bike trips, and yada yada about trying to make it make perfect sense as to why waiting another 3 months is for the best, but honestly there is never going to be a perfect time and the longer I have to wait, the more it seems so far out of reach and the more time I have to question if this is ever going to be possible for us.  

I continually have to remind myself that this isn't a race, it's not a game, there isn't a deadline, I'm not in competition with anyone, etc. etc. I am just so ready for this to just happen for us.  As discouraged as I am right now, I am happy that we could have possibly found a reason to our issues, but I am also sick of jumping hurdles.  I know that this path isn't straight and narrow for anyone.  Even those who get their BFP on their first cycle still have to endure things not working out as they want them.  As a person who appreciates a plan, a  person with little patience, a person who craves instant gratification, a person who has wanted this for 3 and a 1/2 years, I hate that I have no control over this.  

I guess I'll find out more on Wednesday and be sure to update. 

Biopsy Results... Another Hurdle


I called to doctors office today to tell them that that I received the Lupron Depot and hoped that I would be scheduling my appointment to have that administered in the next couple weeks.  In the mean time I asked if my results were in and she said no, but then put me on hold to schedule the Lupron shot and then told me that my results had in fact come in and that they were "positive".  My initial thought was that "positive" meant that I tested "positive" for the Beta-3 Integrin a protein that is said to be one of the key proteins for adhesion of embryos, but her response was now we know what the problem is... 

So I continued to say, "so I don't have the protein" and she said "no, and the problem is, is that the protocol for this particular protein is a 3 month prep, meaning no IVF until July"... my heart immediately sank.  I would have to take an oral protocol for the next 3 months in order to introduce this missing protein into my system.  Needless to say, I ended the conversation with her a bit confused; why did she use the word "positive" and why have I had implantation before if I don't have the protein?   These are clearly 2 questions for my doctor and luckily I have an appointment this Wednesday at 9am to hopefully get some of these answers.  But thanks to Dr. Google, here is what I've found so far:

Failure to express this protein appropriately has been theorized to be a cause of unexplained implantation failure. Why some women do not produce beta-3 integrins is usually unknown. However, some proposed causes include presence of blocked fallopian tubes filled with inflammatory fluid, endometriosis, and poor progesterone production. {via}

As you can read, what this is basically saying is that lack of this protein can be the cause of unexplained implantation failure (could be why all 3 of my IVF cycles failed) and a proposed cause is enodmetriosis (what I have been diagnosed with, Stage II).  I don't have blocked tubes and I don't have poor progesterone production so I am assuming that my endo the probable cause to this deficiency.  From what I'm reading online, the 3 month prep will be Letrozole possibly followed by another biopsy.  This of course is another question for my doctor on Wednesday, but you bet your ass I'll be researching as much as possible the next couple days.

All I can seem to do is remind myself, once again, of my own advice... this process takes time.  I'm not sure why I'm having such a hard time grasping that.  Maybe it's because we've been on such a long break and I know I am so ready to move forward.  I am happy that we are ruling things out and doing more testing, but at the same time I have to wonder, why when I brought this up to my other doctor did he not seem concerned?  Why have I had implantation before?  Why can't I seem to catch a break when it comes to infertility treatment?  

I know that we are all more than familiar with the hurdles, the set backs, and the let downs that come with infertility treatment.  We are always waiting for something.  For a cyst to go away, for AF to show, for two weeks to pass, for a blood work to be done.  It's nothing but a waiting game and it really is exhausting.  I can tell myself, oh well, July will be better because I'll be pretty settled into the house and I can enjoy summer and we can take some bike trips, and yada yada about trying to make it make perfect sense as to why waiting another 3 months is for the best, but honestly there is never going to be a perfect time and the longer I have to wait, the more it seems so far out of reach and the more time I have to question if this is ever going to be possible for us.  

I continually have to remind myself that this isn't a race, it's not a game, there isn't a deadline, I'm not in competition with anyone, etc. etc. I am just so ready for this to just happen for us.  As discouraged as I am right now, I am happy that we could have possibly found a reason to our issues, but I am also sick of jumping hurdles.  I know that this path isn't straight and narrow for anyone.  Even those who get their BFP on their first cycle still have to endure things not working out as they want them.  As a person who appreciates a plan, a  person with little patience, a person who craves instant gratification, a person who has wanted this for 3 and a 1/2 years, I hate that I have no control over this.  

I guess I'll find out more on Wednesday and be sure to update. 

Friday, March 27, 2015

Friday Faves!

Can you believe that this was the last full week of March?  March is awful in Illinois.  Monday of this week we got 2 inches of snow, Monday of the previous week it was almost 80°… Mother Nature is super bitchy in this part of the country in March.   I am SO ready for April!

Favorite Moment:
By far my favorite moment of the week was dinner with these wonderful ladies!  All that was missing was Jessica who was unable to come! #sadface Jodie and family have been home all week since the kiddos are on Spring break so we've been visiting and catching up as much as possible.  I can’t wait for the day our house is done and we can have them over as guests! 


My second favorite moment this week was finally getting our plan for IVFx4.  I started BCP this week and am hoping to schedule my Lupron injection soon for endometriosis prevention.  Stimming and retrieval/transfer is set for the week of May 11th.  I wanted to clarify because I was asked by someone about why birth control is used in IVF protocol.  I know it seems totally counter-intuitive, but what BCP does is puts the doctor in total control of the cycle and also helps to down regulate hormones.  It can also be used to diminish cysts, or unhatched follicles.  BCP is used for lots of different things in the IVF process, just wanted to clear that up a bit for those of you who weren't sure.


Favorite Purchase:
I caved and bought this amazing new Bare Minerals kit called The Full Reveal.  It’s a 6 piece kit that comes with eye colors in Nude Beach and In the Nude, Lasting Brown eye liner, luminizer in The Awakening, Simmer Glaze lip topcoat and Marvelous Moxie Lipstick in Break Away.   All for just $50!  Plus it comes in the THE CUTEST bag ever.  Perfect colors for spring! 


Favorite Pin:
umm, yes please to all of this!

Favorite house update:
The fire place for the win this week!  We found an old rail road tie with some stakes in it and we stained it and hung it up for our mantle.  Joe said I can use the stakes to hang Christmas stockings and other décor from so that’s pretty exciting!  Also we poured the concrete for the hearth and trimmed out the rest of the fireplace and it’s looking gorgeous!  Joe also brought the DVD player out so now work has become a second to movie watching at times.   Tile was also completed in the master bathroom and we get measured for the glass doors and partial glass shower walls today.  And the kitchen back splash is almost done too!  Really hoping I hear back from Home Depot on that granite bathroom vanity top they f’ed up a month or so ago too!  We are getting really really close to being able to get inspected for occupancy.  The biggest things left are the septic and electrical which Joe is working on a little each day.  Joe also said that I can start moving some of our stuff from the storage so I’m hoping to get started on the kitchen stuff this weekend!











Favorite thing I’m looking forward to:
We have yet another interview this weekend with a local pod cast in our area called IV Small Talk.  They are going to be interviewing us for NIAW (National Infertility Awareness Week) and I am so happy to be getting the word out as much as possible.  I feel like we are really doing our part to spread awareness about infertility and hoping that sharing our story can inspire others to share their own.  I’ll be sure to post a link to the pod cast for both iPhone and Android users once it’s up.


Friday Faves!

Can you believe that this was the last full week of March?  March is awful in Illinois.  Monday of this week we got 2 inches of snow, Monday of the previous week it was almost 80°… Mother Nature is super bitchy in this part of the country in March.   I am SO ready for April!

Favorite Moment:
By far my favorite moment of the week was dinner with these wonderful ladies!  All that was missing was Jessica who was unable to come! #sadface Jodie and family have been home all week since the kiddos are on Spring break so we've been visiting and catching up as much as possible.  I can’t wait for the day our house is done and we can have them over as guests! 


My second favorite moment this week was finally getting our plan for IVFx4.  I started BCP this week and am hoping to schedule my Lupron injection soon for endometriosis prevention.  Stimming and retrieval/transfer is set for the week of May 11th.  I wanted to clarify because I was asked by someone about why birth control is used in IVF protocol.  I know it seems totally counter-intuitive, but what BCP does is puts the doctor in total control of the cycle and also helps to down regulate hormones.  It can also be used to diminish cysts, or unhatched follicles.  BCP is used for lots of different things in the IVF process, just wanted to clear that up a bit for those of you who weren't sure.


Favorite Purchase:
I caved and bought this amazing new Bare Minerals kit called The Full Reveal.  It’s a 6 piece kit that comes with eye colors in Nude Beach and In the Nude, Lasting Brown eye liner, luminizer in The Awakening, Simmer Glaze lip topcoat and Marvelous Moxie Lipstick in Break Away.   All for just $50!  Plus it comes in the THE CUTEST bag ever.  Perfect colors for spring! 


Favorite Pin:
umm, yes please to all of this!

Favorite house update:
The fire place for the win this week!  We found an old rail road tie with some stakes in it and we stained it and hung it up for our mantle.  Joe said I can use the stakes to hang Christmas stockings and other décor from so that’s pretty exciting!  Also we poured the concrete for the hearth and trimmed out the rest of the fireplace and it’s looking gorgeous!  Joe also brought the DVD player out so now work has become a second to movie watching at times.   Tile was also completed in the master bathroom and we get measured for the glass doors and partial glass shower walls today.  And the kitchen back splash is almost done too!  Really hoping I hear back from Home Depot on that granite bathroom vanity top they f’ed up a month or so ago too!  We are getting really really close to being able to get inspected for occupancy.  The biggest things left are the septic and electrical which Joe is working on a little each day.  Joe also said that I can start moving some of our stuff from the storage so I’m hoping to get started on the kitchen stuff this weekend!











Favorite thing I’m looking forward to:
We have yet another interview this weekend with a local pod cast in our area called IV Small Talk.  They are going to be interviewing us for NIAW (National Infertility Awareness Week) and I am so happy to be getting the word out as much as possible.  I feel like we are really doing our part to spread awareness about infertility and hoping that sharing our story can inspire others to share their own.  I’ll be sure to post a link to the pod cast for both iPhone and Android users once it’s up.


Monday, March 23, 2015

Kicking off IVFx4


Well, we finally have a plan!  Today is CD1 so I called the doctor to report start of cycle and was told I should be starting BCP (Birth Control Pill) this week.  I was also told that once I get pre-authorization from my insurance, I will have my Lupron Depot scheduled.  The Lupron Depot is used to lower estrogen levels and prevent any endometriosis from growing.  This is something new I will be doing this cycle that Dr. LdM thinks might help.  It's an intramuscular injection that is given by the doctors office.  I will have this done the week of April 13th and baseline ultrasound, labs, and scan will be done the week of May 11th.  

I have to admit, I was a little disappointed when she said that we wouldn't be cycling until May. Then I remembered what I said at our interview for the newspaper yesterday when asked what I would tell anyone new to the world of infertility, I said, this process takes time.  So I'm taking my own advice and remembering, this process takes time, it's not a race, there is no deadline, and honestly, May is probably going to work out a lot better for us than April. We are getting so close to the house being done and ready to be moved in to that I'm hoping by the time mid-May rolls around we actually even be a little settled in at our new home.  I will be able to come home from retrieval & transfer and lay on my couch, in my living room and it will be glorious! 

Patience is something I've learned 10-fold from infertility treatment.  I never had patience like I do now.  And after being on a break since November from any kind of treatment and medication, I have a new found peace about this entire process and about infertility in general.  I don't really feel the need to wish my days away and the anxiety of wanting to cross days off my calendar.  I'm looking forward to being able to get the house done and move in, hopefully get a couple rides on the bike once the weather warms up, and enjoy as much as I can before our next transfer.  I have such an overwhelming feeling of optimism about the outcome of this next cycle, I am just taking it as it comes, and checking each new step that we've taken off as an accomplishment and progress in the right direction.  I've finally let the pressure off of myself in so many different ways and it really feels amazing.


Although May is off in the distance, I know that it will come faster than we can probably even imagine.  We are already in our last full week of March and the days are continuing to fly by!  I am so ready for this cycle, and will continue to stay positive and let things happen a they are meant to happen.   

Kicking off IVFx4


Well, we finally have a plan!  Today is CD1 so I called the doctor to report start of cycle and was told I should be starting BCP (Birth Control Pill) this week.  I was also told that once I get pre-authorization from my insurance, I will have my Lupron Depot scheduled.  The Lupron Depot is used to lower estrogen levels and prevent any endometriosis from growing.  This is something new I will be doing this cycle that Dr. LdM thinks might help.  It's an intramuscular injection that is given by the doctors office.  I will have this done the week of April 13th and baseline ultrasound, labs, and scan will be done the week of May 11th.  

I have to admit, I was a little disappointed when she said that we wouldn't be cycling until May. Then I remembered what I said at our interview for the newspaper yesterday when asked what I would tell anyone new to the world of infertility, I said, this process takes time.  So I'm taking my own advice and remembering, this process takes time, it's not a race, there is no deadline, and honestly, May is probably going to work out a lot better for us than April. We are getting so close to the house being done and ready to be moved in to that I'm hoping by the time mid-May rolls around we actually even be a little settled in at our new home.  I will be able to come home from retrieval & transfer and lay on my couch, in my living room and it will be glorious! 

Patience is something I've learned 10-fold from infertility treatment.  I never had patience like I do now.  And after being on a break since November from any kind of treatment and medication, I have a new found peace about this entire process and about infertility in general.  I don't really feel the need to wish my days away and the anxiety of wanting to cross days off my calendar.  I'm looking forward to being able to get the house done and move in, hopefully get a couple rides on the bike once the weather warms up, and enjoy as much as I can before our next transfer.  I have such an overwhelming feeling of optimism about the outcome of this next cycle, I am just taking it as it comes, and checking each new step that we've taken off as an accomplishment and progress in the right direction.  I've finally let the pressure off of myself in so many different ways and it really feels amazing.


Although May is off in the distance, I know that it will come faster than we can probably even imagine.  We are already in our last full week of March and the days are continuing to fly by!  I am so ready for this cycle, and will continue to stay positive and let things happen a they are meant to happen.   

Friday, March 20, 2015

Friday Favorites!


Happy first day of SPRING!  Woohoo!!  Although I do have more updates for you guys (I know it’s crazy how much is getting done now), I have some other fun stuff I want to talk about too so here we go:

Favorite Moment:
My favorite moment this week was finally feeling better, which wasn't until yesterday!  I was down with the stomach flu Sunday through Wednesday and I don’t wish it on my worst enemy.  So happy to be feeling my normal, healthy self!

House Updates:
You may have seen my picture of the kitchen back splash which I am so in love with.  Also the trim is going up where it can and the master bath tile is really coming along.  Joe said that was the most tedious and most difficult job of the entire house because of all the lining up and cutting that they did.  He created a lot more work for himself by making every single tile line up, but it really looks beautiful!  This weekend the plan is to finally paint the last 2 rooms, the laundry and powder room and get the tile down in those rooms.  We are inching closer and closer to occupancy!


finally that cabinet that was the wrong finish was replaced!

backsplash is on and looking amazing!

I have to admit, this is just stunning!

bench in the shower

shower tile really coming along!

love our decision to go with the rustic looking trim!

Favorite Pin:

Favorite Recipe:
I haven't made this yet, but I thought it sounded light and springy!

What I’m looking forward to:
Dinner Friday with friends at a local Italian place is first up, followed by an interview Sunday with our local newspaper!  That’s right, a friend of ours writes for our local News Tribune, she asked me if we would be interested in interviewing for National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) next month and I, of course, jumped at the opportunity.  If you guys remember we did that taped interview a few months ago with SIU, things are going in a little bit of a different direction with them, we are making that a long-term relationship where they highlight our milestones so that process will be taking longer than what we had originally thought.  I’ll be sure to post the link to our news interview next month though.  NIAW will be April 19th-24th and this year’s theme is “you are not alone”, a notion I can fully embrace.

Happy Friday lovlies! 

Friday Favorites!


Happy first day of SPRING!  Woohoo!!  Although I do have more updates for you guys (I know it’s crazy how much is getting done now), I have some other fun stuff I want to talk about too so here we go:

Favorite Moment:
My favorite moment this week was finally feeling better, which wasn't until yesterday!  I was down with the stomach flu Sunday through Wednesday and I don’t wish it on my worst enemy.  So happy to be feeling my normal, healthy self!

House Updates:
You may have seen my picture of the kitchen back splash which I am so in love with.  Also the trim is going up where it can and the master bath tile is really coming along.  Joe said that was the most tedious and most difficult job of the entire house because of all the lining up and cutting that they did.  He created a lot more work for himself by making every single tile line up, but it really looks beautiful!  This weekend the plan is to finally paint the last 2 rooms, the laundry and powder room and get the tile down in those rooms.  We are inching closer and closer to occupancy!


finally that cabinet that was the wrong finish was replaced!

backsplash is on and looking amazing!

I have to admit, this is just stunning!

bench in the shower

shower tile really coming along!

love our decision to go with the rustic looking trim!

Favorite Pin:

Favorite Recipe:
I haven't made this yet, but I thought it sounded light and springy!

What I’m looking forward to:
Dinner Friday with friends at a local Italian place is first up, followed by an interview Sunday with our local newspaper!  That’s right, a friend of ours writes for our local News Tribune, she asked me if we would be interested in interviewing for National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) next month and I, of course, jumped at the opportunity.  If you guys remember we did that taped interview a few months ago with SIU, things are going in a little bit of a different direction with them, we are making that a long-term relationship where they highlight our milestones so that process will be taking longer than what we had originally thought.  I’ll be sure to post the link to our news interview next month though.  NIAW will be April 19th-24th and this year’s theme is “you are not alone”, a notion I can fully embrace.

Happy Friday lovlies! 
 
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