On Tuesday we FINALLY had our WTF appointment. It was a looonnngg 27 days from the day I made the appointment to the day that it finally took place, but I thought I did a pretty good job of occupying myself with other things and focusing on other important aspects of my life like my marriage. Joe and I have been enjoying ourselves as much as we can for it being winter. We’ve been going out a lot on dates and with friends and probably indulging in too much alcohol, but it’s been fun.
Anyway, when we spoke to Dr. Sherbahn we told him that our concern was egg quality and he agreed. He said that egg quality can be very hard to diagnose (especially in our case because we had such a good cycle with so many blasts the first time around) because sometimes a poor quality embryo can result in a baby. He said that we may want to consider other options and we discussed donor eggs.
If you guys remember back in July we had this same discussion with our doctor in Springfield so this was nothing that we hadn’t heard before, but for me at least, this was our true confirmation that egg quality IS a real concern for us. Everything about how this cycle turned so quickly indicated to me that my eggs just aren’t able to make great embryos anymore and now that 2 out of 3 cycles have had such a poor outcome, I am convinced.
Joe and I both agreed that DEIVF is the next path for us. We aren’t in a big hurry, but we know that the process can take time so we are going to get the ball rolling as much as we can without rushing too quickly into this. This will, by far, be the hardest part of our infertility journey we will encounter, but I know that we are doing the right thing. I have been slowly coming to terms with the fact that we are closing the door on my eggs forever. That is not to say that I couldn’t get pregnant naturally one day, but as far as assisted reproduction is concerned, we are done gambling with my eggs.
It is hard to not have a real solid answer as to WHY. Sometimes I wish I had a real diagnosis like PCOS or DOR or blocked tubes, not that I wish any of that on myself, but not knowing for certain what the problem is is unbelievably frustrating. We don’t know what to treat because nothing needs to be treated. There is probably still a chance that my eggs could work someday either assisted or naturally, but I am not willing to put myself or Joe through the emotions and the devastation that we have experienced over these last couple years anymore. I am done. I think I said in my last post, I am done looking for the answer as to why. Now I just want to focus on the outcome that we are truly in this for and that is getting pregnant & having a child.
So now, with the help and support of some of the most amazing women I know, I have been able to accept and find excitement in the DEIVF process. Seriously, if it wasn’t for some of these women who are so strong and brave, I probably would be back where I was this summer, in denial about the truth. With their help I have been able to talk about the processes of known and unknown donors & most importantly, learn so much about how biology is of little importance and that LOVE is all that matters.
On top of my amazing support group, we have been given the ultimate gift, donated eggs! I don’t know how I got so lucky or how we even crossed paths, but a beautiful soul reached out to me and offered her eggs to us (or surrogacy if we needed that!) and we decided to take her up on her offer. We are so thankful and blessed to have such a generous offer made to us. There are lots of tests and things that she has to go through, but I am confident that she will be just fine through all of that. Her donation will require us to travel to Georgia so we hopefully we will get to take a couple fun trips and we will get to meet (and hug x 1000) our amazing donor and her husband and children. Her gift will also save us substantial amount of money as all DEIVF costs are out of pocket. Cycles can range anywhere between $15,000 and $40,000 depending on a whole host of things.
Although this is all very new, I am more excited than I ever thought I could be. I have felt in my heart that this is the road we might have to travel and I am ready for this newest adventure. We have quite the journey ahead of us, but I think we are ready to do whatever it takes to make it happen & finally have our miracle.
Thank you to everyone who has been such a support to us over all of these years. We are so blessed to have so many friends, family, and strangers supporting us from near and afar. It’s been a truly amazing part of the experience to connect with so many beautiful beings!