Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Our Next BIG Adventure...




On Tuesday we FINALLY had our WTF appointment.  It was a looonnngg 27 days from the day I made the appointment to the day that it finally took place, but I thought I did a pretty good job of occupying myself with other things and focusing on other important aspects of my life like my marriage.  Joe and I have been enjoying ourselves as much as we can for it being winter.  We’ve been going out a lot on dates and with friends and probably indulging in too much alcohol, but it’s been fun.


Anyway, when we spoke to Dr. Sherbahn we told him that our concern was egg quality and he agreed.  He said that egg quality can be very hard to diagnose (especially in our case because we had such a good cycle with so many blasts the first time around) because sometimes a poor quality embryo can result in a baby.  He said that we may want to consider other options and we discussed donor eggs. 


If you guys remember back in July we had this same discussion with our doctor in Springfield so this was nothing that we hadn’t heard before, but for me at least, this was our true confirmation that egg quality IS a real concern for us.  Everything about how this cycle turned so quickly indicated to me that my eggs just aren’t able to make great embryos anymore and now that 2 out of 3 cycles have had such a poor outcome, I am convinced.


Joe and I both agreed that DEIVF is the next path for us.  We aren’t in a big hurry, but we know that the process can take time so we are going to get the ball rolling as much as we can without rushing too quickly into this.  This will, by far, be the hardest part of our infertility journey we will encounter, but I know that we are doing the right thing.  I have been slowly coming to terms with the fact that we are closing the door on my eggs forever.  That is not to say that I couldn’t get pregnant naturally one day, but as far as assisted reproduction is concerned, we are done gambling with my eggs.


It is hard to not have a real solid answer as to WHY.  Sometimes I wish I had a real diagnosis like PCOS or DOR or blocked tubes, not that I wish any of that on myself, but not knowing for certain what the problem is is unbelievably frustrating.  We don’t know what to treat because nothing needs to be treated.  There is probably still a chance that my eggs could work someday either assisted or naturally, but I am not willing to put myself or Joe through the emotions and the devastation that we have experienced over these last couple years anymore.  I am done.  I think I said in my last post, I am done looking for the answer as to why.  Now I just want to focus on the outcome that we are truly in this for and that is getting pregnant & having a child.    


So now, with the help and support of some of the most amazing women I know, I have been able to accept and find excitement in the DEIVF process.  Seriously, if it wasn’t for some of these women who are so strong and brave, I probably would be back where I was this summer, in denial about the truth.  With their help I have been able to talk about the processes of known and unknown donors & most importantly, learn so much about how biology is of little importance and that LOVE is all that matters. 


On top of my amazing support group, we have been given the ultimate gift, donated eggs!  I don’t know how I got so lucky or how we even crossed paths, but a beautiful soul reached out to me and offered her eggs to us (or surrogacy if we needed that!) and we decided to take her up on her offer.  We are so thankful and blessed to have such a generous offer made to us.  There are lots of tests and things that she has to go through, but I am confident that she will be just fine through all of that.  Her donation will require us to travel to Georgia so we hopefully we will get to take a couple fun trips and we will get to meet (and hug x 1000) our amazing donor and her husband and children.  Her gift will also save us substantial amount of money as all DEIVF costs are out of pocket.  Cycles can range anywhere between $15,000 and $40,000 depending on a whole host of things. 


Although this is all very new, I am more excited than I ever thought I could be.  I have felt in my heart that this is the road we might have to travel and I am ready for this newest adventure.  We have quite the journey ahead of us, but I think we are ready to do whatever it takes to make it happen & finally have our miracle. 


Thank you to everyone who has been such a support to us over all of these years.  We are so blessed to have so many friends, family, and strangers supporting us from near and afar.  It’s been a truly amazing part of the experience to connect with so many beautiful beings!

19 comments:

  1. This is amazing news! I have so much hope for you in this chapter! I have the same thoughts about not having a real diagnosis. Its more difficult to come to terms with things when there's no clear cut reason why you are having to make these decisions. You got this hun!

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  2. oh hun! first, i am so excited that you have a donor and that it will save you tons of money. also, so happy that you've moved past the why - i can't imagine how hard that could be - and just trying to focus on the outcome of a baby. all my hope that this chapter is a good one for you.

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  3. It has been a long, tough road for you, and I'm so excited that you have plans in place. I know it must have been heartbreaking to give up on your own eggs - can't even imagine that. So proud of you for continuing to chase your dreams! I'm looking forward to reading more about the DEIVF process! Blessings and love, sweet girl!

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  4. You are an inspiration. I am so excited to follow along on your new path in this journey and all the wonderful things that lay ahead!

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  5. This is very exciting news and what a blessing for you to have a donor. I know this isn't the path you saw for you guys but when you have that sweet baby in your arms it just won't matter how that angel got here :) OX

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  6. You sound so refreshed about this new part of your journey! Praying for you, the process, and success!

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  7. Wow lady! I am so happy for you. This tribe really is amazing. I am so happy someone was able to step in for you guys so quickly! Hopefully your past woes are met with nothing but happy moving forward. Because you guys absolutely deserve it!

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  8. Wow lady! I am so happy for you. This tribe really is amazing. I am so happy someone was able to step in for you guys so quickly! Hopefully your past woes are met with nothing but happy moving forward. Because you guys absolutely deserve it!

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  9. So happy for you that you have accepted that your baby may come to be in a different way than you have always imagined, but you seem at peace with it, so congratulations. Good luck, Mama!

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  10. Wow! Amazing! So glad that you have someone who is so willing to help you! Truly, amazing!!!!!

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  11. I am sorry to hear that things with your eggs didn't work out at this time, however I am ecstatic to hear of such wonderful news about an egg donor! I'm so happy for you to be able to move forward and be feeling good about it!

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  12. I am so excited for you and your new journey. You are beyond strong and I can't wait for your miracle to happen. You deserve it. You guys really do. Can't wait to hear more about the process.

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  13. I love this! Wonderful update. I'm so excited for you and can't wait to see how this journey unfolds for you and Joe.

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  14. I have quietly been following along. My heart was so happy to read this post today. You have been through so much, and this is truly a gift that you deserve. The woman donating eggs is truly amazing! I can't wait to following along.

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  15. This is awesome news and I am so happy for you. Can't wait to follow you on this new journey.

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  16. What an amazing gift! I am so excited for you and Joe.

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    1. I tried to reply to the post, but it won't let me. But, how very exciting!! Good luck! Have you heard of the Beat Infertility podcast? There is at least one donor egg podcast on there and it has become a great resource.

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  17. <3 this update. Seems as if a nice clear path is starting to surface. Praise Jesus!

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  18. Im so happy for you that you are able to receive this blessing of a gift! So happy!

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